How do I overcome writer’s block?
The most obvious answer is: write. Life isn’t always that easy though. I have written very little on the blog since the night the ambulance came and took us both to the hospital E.R. My little one was in respiratory distress with croup and I can still vividly picture sitting on my kitchen floor with the lights on, trying to count breaths out loud by keeping a finger on the base of her barely moving throat and praying for the ambulance to hurry. Bless the calm emergency dispatcher talking to me the entire time on the speakerphone cellphone. To further complicate matters, I was desperately trying not to throw up (even more so when three burly paramedics entered the kitchen). I spent the ambulance ride sucking on a homemade ice-block, my unconscious daughter in my arms, trying not to vomit in a very unladylike fashion all over the ambulance interior.
I’m extremely fortunate that my parents live in the same city as me; they spent an hour driving in and arrived around 3am. The nurses then whisked me off to the adult E.R. and I only caught a short glimpse of my daughter the next morning when she got discharged hours before me. I turned out to have a nasty cocktail of gastro, flu, and possibly a sprinkling of croup to top it off. They wanted to keep me in hospital for a few days but that wasn’t an option as a solo parent of a special needs child (with 24/7 care). As it is, she still has nightmares, months later, about being separated from me at the hospital.
The website continued ticking along as if by magic. That’s the wonder of online publishing, you can have posts lined up weeks or months in advance. You can add new ones and shuffle old ones around and simply let things take care of themselves. The website continued looking bright and shiny while, in reality, our lives have been a valley of darkness with quarantine (due to her fragile health), her surgeries to clear her ears, reduce her turbinates, remove her adenoids, and remove her tonsils, and a horrifically painful recovery period.
There’s been the very difficult, painful, time consuming, and paperwork laden process of having her autism, anxiety, and sensory processing disorder identified (as well as the recurrent abdominal pain + Irritable Bowel Syndrome). There’s been all kinds of behavioural and safety issues because she simply could not cope with the world. I haven’t written up posts but I have shared a few about fatigue, disruptive behaviour, sensory anxiety, and the daily struggles of neuro-divergent kids. There all kinds of ways in which she needs extra support and that means my days tend to run for 16-18 hours with hopefully 6 hours sleep.
Take today, for example. She slept in till 4.45am (sleep is a major issue in our household). As well as actively looking after her, there’s been: laundry, changing bed linens, making herb bread rolls from scratch (which also included grinding the sorghum flour and picking the fresh herbs), making bread from scratch, supermarket shopping, mowing the lawns, spraying weed poison along the edges, cooking chicken (pan frying to brown the skin, baking, making chicken stock with the juices and bones, and then making chicken broth soup with dumplings), dishes, so many dishes, giving Miss 3 and the dollies a bath due to a major poo incident, tidying up all the miniature toys that have covered the floor since this morning, practising counting, cutting out cardboard wheels and using push-pins to turn a box into a car, doing occupational therapy / sensory regulation exercises, etc…Her soy allergy, which includes emulsifiers and vegetable oil, as well as needing to follow a Failsafe list of additives to avoid, means a whole foods diet which means a lot of time in the kitchen (both preparing and cleaning!). The only reason I could do the outdoor stuff or write up this post was because I paid a special needs carer to be with us for 3 hours this afternoon. If it sounds like I’ve chosen a busy day to write about, the reality is that every day is that busy (normally busier because there would often be a medical appointment to fit into the morning as well as everything else) and what’s unusual is that I actually had some help today instead of being entirely on my own.
Our circumstances are isolating so it’s nice to know that there are people from all around the world that read these posts. Hopefully, I will start writing more often – if only because there are so many recipes floating around on scraps of paper!